Jokes For Jokers

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One or two little jokes for the purpose of entertainment.

Q: What do you call two Germans who tickle each other for money?
A: Cuckoo clocks

A man was walking his dog in the woods when he saw a sudden flash in front of him. A few yards further on he found a jug of water by the side of the path. Not being one to miss the opportunity to quench his thirst, he promptly took a drink. Minutes later he was sitting up in bed wondering how he came to be wearing a pair of tennis shoes.

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotchman were watching TV one dark  evening when the lights went out.
"I'll go and look for a candle," said the Englishman.
"And I'll check if there's been any post," said the Scotchman.
The Irishman took off his glasses and said, "Make mine a large one!"

Two squirrels were sitting in a tree. The first one winked at the other and jumped to the ground with a cry of delight. The second one picked up a mail order catalogue and started whistling Over The Rainbow.

A policeman got a telephone call one day while he was at home and off duty.
"Hello, this is the thief of the town," said a voice over the phone. "And I'm going to burgle your next-door neighbour in half an hour." Then the line went dead.
The policeman, being a conscientious soul, decided to go outside and wait for the burglar so he could apprehend him.
Half an hour later a man in a mask crept into the garden next door carrying a crowbar. The policeman peered over the hedge and said, "Are you the man who called me earlier?"
The man in the mask replied, "Really! I don't need an examination. I'm as healthy as a honeypot."

Q: How can you tell if a fireman is wearing a watch?
A: Teach him to yodel.

A man fell asleep whilst wearing a suit of armour. When he awoke six hours later he found he had used all his peanuts and his pockets were empty.

An Irishman woke up feeling very excited because it was his birthday. He got dressed quickly, ran down the stairs and into the living room where his wife was kneeling on the rug, making a model aeroplane.
"That's a nice looking model plane, so it is," said the Irishman.
"Indeed it is," replied his wife. "Why don't you look behind the sofa?"
The Irishman, all excitement and anticipation, bounded over to the sofa and joyfully peered behind it.
He was dead within seconds.